The Table Litmus Test

For me, sharing a meal with someone is a glimpse into what my future with them might hold.

It may seem presumptive, but the way people eat (and order) can tell you a lot about their personality, their likes and dislikes, in general, the way they live life and treat other people. I can tell if we will be friends forever, casual acquaintences, eventually perhaps dislike each other, maybe someday date, or perhaps that you are just not someone who will fit into my life...

Perhaps the most important question for me is whether someone is willing to share. This is an indication of whether someone is adventerous or not, and an excellent demonstration of someone's ability to compromise (or not), negotiate, and communicate. You can find out if someone is passive-aggressive, rigid, simply doesn't care about anything, or if they have a really hard time making decisions. When someone is as serious about what they are about to eat as I am, these negotiations can be quite intense.

How do you treat your server? Do you stop talking when they come over to ask you for a drink or tell you about the specials? Or are you so unaware of their presence that you just continue to talk over them or ignore them, forcing them to wait? Do you listen to them, or do they have to repeat themselves several times regarding the same question. (for instance: "I would like a Kettle One Martini." "I'm sorry, we don't have Kettle One. We have Absolut and Grey Goose." "Ok, I'll have Stoli. With a twist.") Do you say please and thank you to the people waiting on you? Manners at the table are a great indicator of a person's awareness of others. Do you notice when someones water or wine glass accross the table from you is empty and the bottle is sitting next to you? Do you let other people serve themselves first or do you dive right in?

Do you order the chicken? This question may seem strange, but people lose a serious number of attraction-points when they order the most boring thing on the menu. This may not, of course, be the chicken. If you have ever asked a variation of the question "what is the most normal thing on your menu?" you and I will never be friends.

When you pay the check do you just divide things evenly, or is it import for you to calculate, down to the penny, the exact amount for each person at the table? Are you asking the server to put $35.51 on one card and $38.20 on another? Trust me when I say that everything comes full circle--whether it be generousity or stinginess.

Some other questions:

Do you have a cocktail and wine? After dinner drinks? Nothing? Do you eat meat? How do you treat other people who make choices about their consumption habits that are different from yours?

How much do you tip?

If you come over for dinner, do you bring a bottle of wine? Do you offer to help with the dishes?

Do you complain loudly to the other diners at the table if you don't like something in a restaurant, but fail to tell the server when they asks you how your meal is?

Do you stack plates? Do you push your plate away from you, hand it to your server as they pass, or put your napkin on it when other people at the table are clearly still eating?

If something goes wrong with your meal (i.e. they bring you the wrong entree) how upset do you get? Basically, how much does it take to ruin the fun evening you are trying to have?


In the end, when I go out to have a meal, or cook one at home, I'm there to have a good time. My goal is not to judge; however, people are always gathering their impressions of others. For me, the most important of these impressions are gathered around the table.